The Silver Lining of Poverty

I have been unemployed now for a lot longer than I am comfortable worth admitting. I like to mask those feelings of inadequacy by telling people that I was SO smart over the years. So responsible. That when I lost my job I had money saved, and that I had been SO good with my investments, like my 401k and money market account, and that I had enough saved for almost a year. That was partially true. I did have a pretty good thing going with the savings. That money had been tucked away for a college fund for my oldest son, Carlton Banks.
The thing that screwed me was how uninformed I was about the shyt that was about to hit the proverbial fan. I thought I would get a new job pretty much right away, with the same pay and benefits, maybe better. So, I spent money like I would get another job, possibly a better one, very soon. I did not, and now I have poor Carlton and his straight A's looking forward to life with a scholarship (hopefully). I don't even know what to tell The Space Ranger and the $5 Footlong. They may have to drink Mountain Dew and go work in the mines.
That said, I am pretty impoverished, although not by global, or neighborhood standards (our cars are paid for, and the house is not under an ARM). I spend my days like most Americans, in front of the TV, watching the stock market pretend to be the Olympic Diving Team from China( or somewhere who likes to dive. A LOT.). Today, the big thing to bang on the heads of the panic stricken is that if you have a 401k, it is now back to the level of 1997.
Upon hearing this, I immediately fall onto the floor and laugh until I cry. Hard. Real tears.
Considering my issues with unemployment and whatnot, you'd be pretty smart to think I am crying because I am watching my savings be pissed away on live TV. I am laughing because my 401k IS where it was in 1997- at ZERO! I had a baby and graduated high school that year (yes, in that order- and SO WHAT?).
ANYHOW- the silver lining is this: I cashed in my and my husband's 401k's LAST YEAR, when everyone (my mom, aunts, my husband's job, Ali Velshi, you get my drift) told me I was a fool to do so. Back to zero that!
WHATEVER, SUZIE ORMAN! TAKE YOUR CUTE JACKETS AND SHOVE THEM!!!!!
If I had waited until now, when we are actually hanging on to our last 400 dollars (338, actually) to try and get some emergency cash, we would be TOTALLY screwed. Like well done sirloin. Or well done anything, for that matter.
It is no comfort to me to think about all the people out there who look at their Fidelity statements and want to cry without the laughter- their money crisis is scarier than my own. In fact, when I do think of them, my silver lining is more like dull stainless steel, and I cry without laughing as I apply online for a Waffle House job.