I generally start things with the best of intentions in mind. Case in point- My effort to save the world. Ahem, through recycling. Anything else would require far too much of me, as I would not want to go all Super Saiyan Warrior with my entourage (Carlton Banks, Buzz Lightyear, $5 Footlong) in tow.
So, I go all "green" (only in my head), and forbid the family from throwing away much of anything so we can reduce our carbon footprint. I set up the Team Jo Recycling Center in the garage, and I sit back and smile, with that warm aroma of accomplishment fresh in my nostrils.
Oh wait... That's not accomplishment, that's GARBAGE!!! Why did no one tell me that recycling stinks like a dead hippie??? Holy Shitballs!! It also attracts ants!!! Did I mention it stinks like a dead prostitute? Where did all these FLIES come from????? SERIOUSLY DUDE!
Don't even get me on the composting. It seemed like a FINE idea to simply pile up all my eggshells, vegetable scraps, and coffee grounds with leaves in the back yard to replenish the earth;s nutrient fortified goodness. I'm saving the earth! After all, I have a friend who told me that vegetarians' farts don't stink, so how bad could it be? BTW- That is total bullshit. Carlton Banks is a vegetarian, and his poots (spell check tried to change this word into poets, haha!) stink like all hell. I'm just saying.......
So, here I am with eight garbage bags of recyclable shit that I keep forgetting to take to the center (because its so damn inconvenient; why cant they do pickups?) in my garage like I'm some crazy hoarder lady with 27 cats, and the earth is no better off than when I started digging through my own trash, and not for profit to boot.
How do I know? That over fished Chilean sea bass I ate for lunch was great. And when the server brought out my leftovers in FOUR Styrofoam containers..... SIGH.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
A Few Good Forrest Klumps
As usual, I am watching CNN. Or Fox. Or SOMETHING of the sort...
The army has put out stats that say that they no longer have a few good men. Not that recruiting isn't up, it totally is because the worse off we are in society, the more our youth goes running in the direction of health care and training opportunities- Tadaah! The Armed Forces.
Please don't get me all wrong here. I think its super cool the sacrifices that are made for my freedom to sit on my corpulent keester and type my lil' old opinion at all times of day and night. Not only do I love a man in uniform (I've had my share), I also love a man who can keep me safe, 'cause as God as my witness, I'll never be hungry again! hee hee
Okay, let me back off the Gone With the Wind antics and get to the freakin' point: It has become all the more obvious to the armed forces that they are the choice just before Job Corps and cooking meth. Why? Because statistics show that 75% of all youth ages 17-24 are either too fat, on drugs, drunk as hell, or too stupid to go into ANY branch of the military. Read that again for super dramatic effect.
I couldn't even laugh at this. Okay, I'm lying- I laughed until I puked a little sweet tea. But seriously? What is this world coming to if you can't ship your kid off to the army to learn some discipline- because he or she is too stupid?
Looking at my younger brother, I can see what they are sizing up, and I, too, am afraid. OJ and my mom are almost on first name basis- she makes "suggestions" for his behavior, then he does whatever he thinks is best. Usually this involves the phone, video games, weed, chicks, or snacks. Or some combination of two or more.
I don't really know where to go with this. It is far more a tragedy than a joke. Who can save them? Who can save us? How can we have a better future if everyone is stupid, strung out, or checking their blood sugar because of juvenile onset diabetes?
One more thing? ADHD is so NOT the new multitasking.
The wild rebels from the 60's and 70's have really dropped the ball on this. I am only 30, and when I was a kid we prayed at school, said the damn pledge, went outside to play, and feared ALL adults, because a good, hard spank could come from anywhere.
Pumas? Cougars?? MILF's??? What the hell happened?
The army has put out stats that say that they no longer have a few good men. Not that recruiting isn't up, it totally is because the worse off we are in society, the more our youth goes running in the direction of health care and training opportunities- Tadaah! The Armed Forces.
Please don't get me all wrong here. I think its super cool the sacrifices that are made for my freedom to sit on my corpulent keester and type my lil' old opinion at all times of day and night. Not only do I love a man in uniform (I've had my share), I also love a man who can keep me safe, 'cause as God as my witness, I'll never be hungry again! hee hee
Okay, let me back off the Gone With the Wind antics and get to the freakin' point: It has become all the more obvious to the armed forces that they are the choice just before Job Corps and cooking meth. Why? Because statistics show that 75% of all youth ages 17-24 are either too fat, on drugs, drunk as hell, or too stupid to go into ANY branch of the military. Read that again for super dramatic effect.
I couldn't even laugh at this. Okay, I'm lying- I laughed until I puked a little sweet tea. But seriously? What is this world coming to if you can't ship your kid off to the army to learn some discipline- because he or she is too stupid?
Looking at my younger brother, I can see what they are sizing up, and I, too, am afraid. OJ and my mom are almost on first name basis- she makes "suggestions" for his behavior, then he does whatever he thinks is best. Usually this involves the phone, video games, weed, chicks, or snacks. Or some combination of two or more.
I don't really know where to go with this. It is far more a tragedy than a joke. Who can save them? Who can save us? How can we have a better future if everyone is stupid, strung out, or checking their blood sugar because of juvenile onset diabetes?
One more thing? ADHD is so NOT the new multitasking.
The wild rebels from the 60's and 70's have really dropped the ball on this. I am only 30, and when I was a kid we prayed at school, said the damn pledge, went outside to play, and feared ALL adults, because a good, hard spank could come from anywhere.
Pumas? Cougars?? MILF's??? What the hell happened?
Next Post
In my next post, I will most likely discuss why liking restaurant food was simply an awful reason to go to culinary school- and what I should do now that I have figured that out. My mom is going to be TOTALLY pissed. And, I don't care! She'll be okay once I pull out the crab cakes..... with a lovely beurre blanc.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
The Silver Lining of Poverty
I have been unemployed now for a lot longer than I am comfortable worth admitting. I like to mask those feelings of inadequacy by telling people that I was SO smart over the years. So responsible. That when I lost my job I had money saved, and that I had been SO good with my investments, like my 401k and money market account, and that I had enough saved for almost a year. That was partially true. I did have a pretty good thing going with the savings. That money had been tucked away for a college fund for my oldest son, Carlton Banks.
The thing that screwed me was how uninformed I was about the shyt that was about to hit the proverbial fan. I thought I would get a new job pretty much right away, with the same pay and benefits, maybe better. So, I spent money like I would get another job, possibly a better one, very soon. I did not, and now I have poor Carlton and his straight A's looking forward to life with a scholarship (hopefully). I don't even know what to tell The Space Ranger and the $5 Footlong. They may have to drink Mountain Dew and go work in the mines.
That said, I am pretty impoverished, although not by global, or neighborhood standards (our cars are paid for, and the house is not under an ARM). I spend my days like most Americans, in front of the TV, watching the stock market pretend to be the Olympic Diving Team from China( or somewhere who likes to dive. A LOT.). Today, the big thing to bang on the heads of the panic stricken is that if you have a 401k, it is now back to the level of 1997.
Upon hearing this, I immediately fall onto the floor and laugh until I cry. Hard. Real tears.
Considering my issues with unemployment and whatnot, you'd be pretty smart to think I am crying because I am watching my savings be pissed away on live TV. I am laughing because my 401k IS where it was in 1997- at ZERO! I had a baby and graduated high school that year (yes, in that order- and SO WHAT?).
ANYHOW- the silver lining is this: I cashed in my and my husband's 401k's LAST YEAR, when everyone (my mom, aunts, my husband's job, Ali Velshi, you get my drift) told me I was a fool to do so. Back to zero that!
WHATEVER, SUZIE ORMAN! TAKE YOUR CUTE JACKETS AND SHOVE THEM!!!!!
If I had waited until now, when we are actually hanging on to our last 400 dollars (338, actually) to try and get some emergency cash, we would be TOTALLY screwed. Like well done sirloin. Or well done anything, for that matter.
It is no comfort to me to think about all the people out there who look at their Fidelity statements and want to cry without the laughter- their money crisis is scarier than my own. In fact, when I do think of them, my silver lining is more like dull stainless steel, and I cry without laughing as I apply online for a Waffle House job.
The thing that screwed me was how uninformed I was about the shyt that was about to hit the proverbial fan. I thought I would get a new job pretty much right away, with the same pay and benefits, maybe better. So, I spent money like I would get another job, possibly a better one, very soon. I did not, and now I have poor Carlton and his straight A's looking forward to life with a scholarship (hopefully). I don't even know what to tell The Space Ranger and the $5 Footlong. They may have to drink Mountain Dew and go work in the mines.
That said, I am pretty impoverished, although not by global, or neighborhood standards (our cars are paid for, and the house is not under an ARM). I spend my days like most Americans, in front of the TV, watching the stock market pretend to be the Olympic Diving Team from China( or somewhere who likes to dive. A LOT.). Today, the big thing to bang on the heads of the panic stricken is that if you have a 401k, it is now back to the level of 1997.
Upon hearing this, I immediately fall onto the floor and laugh until I cry. Hard. Real tears.
Considering my issues with unemployment and whatnot, you'd be pretty smart to think I am crying because I am watching my savings be pissed away on live TV. I am laughing because my 401k IS where it was in 1997- at ZERO! I had a baby and graduated high school that year (yes, in that order- and SO WHAT?).
ANYHOW- the silver lining is this: I cashed in my and my husband's 401k's LAST YEAR, when everyone (my mom, aunts, my husband's job, Ali Velshi, you get my drift) told me I was a fool to do so. Back to zero that!
WHATEVER, SUZIE ORMAN! TAKE YOUR CUTE JACKETS AND SHOVE THEM!!!!!
If I had waited until now, when we are actually hanging on to our last 400 dollars (338, actually) to try and get some emergency cash, we would be TOTALLY screwed. Like well done sirloin. Or well done anything, for that matter.
It is no comfort to me to think about all the people out there who look at their Fidelity statements and want to cry without the laughter- their money crisis is scarier than my own. In fact, when I do think of them, my silver lining is more like dull stainless steel, and I cry without laughing as I apply online for a Waffle House job.
Its Already Been Brought!
I was all set to write about how the Republican Party is the New Bring It On movie, then Michael Steele went all wimpy and apologized. Now I guess they are the new Mean Girls??? Damn. Now I have to rethink this whole thing...
Monday, March 2, 2009
A Nation of Cowards, or a Nation Divided?
Yesterday, I decided to be "informed" and tune in to CSPAN.
All. Day. I watched "The State of the Black Nation" and the CPAC Convention. Both were interesting. I couldn't help but notice that Michael Steele was at the State of the Black Nation, and not the CPAC convention. That makes me wonder, but that's not why I'm here. Heck, I have quite a few conservative views, too, but you couldn't have PAID me to be in a place where I would have felt so... awkward.
Anyhow, the speeches were shown out of order from the way they went live at the CPAC convention, so I watched Rush Limbaugh first. He was supposed to speak for 20 minutes. Dude spoke for an hour and 37 minutes. I have no real problem with this man because I know where he stands. All of his rage and opinions are right out there in the atmosphere, so when he does his business on the air, I am not all shocked and amazed or anything like that. I respect that- let me know who you are, so I can either totally love you or avoid you like the plague.
Next, I watched Newt Gingrich.
Here. Is. My. Issue. It is my opinion that Newt Gingrich is a douche bag. A dumb, word twisting, manipulative, inciting douche bag. He spoke for the majority of his time discussing how Eric Holder "described everyone in here the crowd as cowards". EVERYONE knows that is not true. However, he stated it over and over again, and even went so far as to say that if Eric Holder thought he was a coward, that he would "take him on, any time, any place". Sigh. TKO.
Although it was not the greatest choice of words, Mr. Holder said when it comes to HAVING A DISCUSSION ABOUT RACE, we are a nation of cowards. I think that's the truth. Its getting better, but its still the truth for now. Everywhere in our great nation, children are being harshly judged by their peers and their parents for being too dark, too light, having the "wrong" hair, or even the wrong interests. To be smart means you want to be white. To listen to R&B or Hip Hop means you want to be black. To be eloquent means you want to be white. To have rhythm or wear loose clothes means you want to be black. I could go on forever, but here is my point: We DO need to have a discussion about race and diversity. It needs to start at home, and branch out into all areas of our lives. We can start by telling our children that its okay, really okay to be who we are and look how we look. Then, we need to tell them that its okay to like what we like, and that its okay to try something or be something different.
I like Linkin Park. I also like JayZ. I liked them even more together. And so what?
We are the world's greatest nation, and free because of that. And that DOES mean we can be with who we want, for the better or for the detriment. We are, though, TOO DIVIDED. Not only are we divided racially, in our respective races we are divided by age, class, income, neighborhood, interest, and God only knows what else. Because of this, we all fear and mistrust each other, over the slightest difference. This makes us loathe and mistreat each other. This sucks, because we have more in common than we know. If we wake up tomorrow and CNN says that terrorists have compromised our safety, we are all screwed. All of us together. That's what we need to be a better nation, too. All of us. Together. And so what if I feel that way?
All. Day. I watched "The State of the Black Nation" and the CPAC Convention. Both were interesting. I couldn't help but notice that Michael Steele was at the State of the Black Nation, and not the CPAC convention. That makes me wonder, but that's not why I'm here. Heck, I have quite a few conservative views, too, but you couldn't have PAID me to be in a place where I would have felt so... awkward.
Anyhow, the speeches were shown out of order from the way they went live at the CPAC convention, so I watched Rush Limbaugh first. He was supposed to speak for 20 minutes. Dude spoke for an hour and 37 minutes. I have no real problem with this man because I know where he stands. All of his rage and opinions are right out there in the atmosphere, so when he does his business on the air, I am not all shocked and amazed or anything like that. I respect that- let me know who you are, so I can either totally love you or avoid you like the plague.
Next, I watched Newt Gingrich.
Here. Is. My. Issue. It is my opinion that Newt Gingrich is a douche bag. A dumb, word twisting, manipulative, inciting douche bag. He spoke for the majority of his time discussing how Eric Holder "described everyone in here the crowd as cowards". EVERYONE knows that is not true. However, he stated it over and over again, and even went so far as to say that if Eric Holder thought he was a coward, that he would "take him on, any time, any place". Sigh. TKO.
Although it was not the greatest choice of words, Mr. Holder said when it comes to HAVING A DISCUSSION ABOUT RACE, we are a nation of cowards. I think that's the truth. Its getting better, but its still the truth for now. Everywhere in our great nation, children are being harshly judged by their peers and their parents for being too dark, too light, having the "wrong" hair, or even the wrong interests. To be smart means you want to be white. To listen to R&B or Hip Hop means you want to be black. To be eloquent means you want to be white. To have rhythm or wear loose clothes means you want to be black. I could go on forever, but here is my point: We DO need to have a discussion about race and diversity. It needs to start at home, and branch out into all areas of our lives. We can start by telling our children that its okay, really okay to be who we are and look how we look. Then, we need to tell them that its okay to like what we like, and that its okay to try something or be something different.
I like Linkin Park. I also like JayZ. I liked them even more together. And so what?
We are the world's greatest nation, and free because of that. And that DOES mean we can be with who we want, for the better or for the detriment. We are, though, TOO DIVIDED. Not only are we divided racially, in our respective races we are divided by age, class, income, neighborhood, interest, and God only knows what else. Because of this, we all fear and mistrust each other, over the slightest difference. This makes us loathe and mistreat each other. This sucks, because we have more in common than we know. If we wake up tomorrow and CNN says that terrorists have compromised our safety, we are all screwed. All of us together. That's what we need to be a better nation, too. All of us. Together. And so what if I feel that way?
Yay! My First Post!
I suppose I am starting this blog for the same reasons as anyone else:
- I have a lot to say.
- I have exponentially more time to say it.
- No health care= No therapy= no outlet for my angst.
- I think the world should hear me.
- Blogging is the new "Dear diary,".
The main reason, I suppose, is narcissism (making the above things subreasons???), and since that has pretty much become epidemic, no one will judge me. Hooray!
Please bear with me, as I am sure of two things, that this will be a process, and that I will piss some people off. I am okay with each of those.
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